Our Journey, His Journey, & LUTO: January 2015

As Spencer's 9 month anniversary in heaven approached so was Christmas. Since saying our goodbyes and see you later to Spencer we, as a family, have really felt as if we have dealt with loosing him the best way we can for us. However as the holidays approached I personally felt that it was getting a little rough for me as a mommy. I was thinking about all of the moments that I was missing out with not having him with us and being reminded constantly - or at least that is what it felt like for me. As I sat in the pew at church to watch our son sing in his preschool Christmas program I started to think, I will never get to see Spencer in a program like this, and started to tear up. As much as I have accepted what we have gone through it doesn't ever make the pain or the ache of longing for my son to be here go away. As Christmas approached and I ached for him to be with us during this time I also began to feel a bit jealous of him, jealous that he was getting to spend Christmas with our maker. What an amazing day it must have been for him, to celebrate the birth of Jesus, and to experience such a glorious time in heaven. I think the holidays are probably one of the hardest times for those that miss someone close to them that they have lost but I also am reminded by the reason we celebrate. I am comforted to know that one day I will get to be with Spencer and my family will be together as one again.

As we have done for Spencer's 3 months and 6 months, we did another balloon release again for his 9 months. My wonderful friend met me at the cemetery again to release balloons for Spencer. We laughed after we released them because both of our balloons got stuck in the tree not to far from where Spencer is buried. Also, on Christmas Day my husband's parents and us went to visit Spencer's grave. Our first son was insistent to take a gift for him so he grabbed a toy dump truck to put on his brothers grave. Thanks for all your prayers over these last several months and I hope that you had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you a Blessed New Year.